Okay ladies and gents it is a topic no one wants to talk about but it is a fact of life and it happens. If you have been following my posts you will know we are now home with our lil one and attempting to adjust. Of course we were both sick when we came home but that passed after the first week or so. Around week two is when the real fun begins! See I am by nature OCD. I am a counter (literally have numbers running in my mind all day) and things have to be a certain way or in my mind the world is pre-apocalyptic. So when the doctor diagnosed me with postpartum OCD and depression I kind of laughed. I said I am already OCD so that is nothing new. Apparently my OCD had taken on a whole new level when lil man came along and I was unaware. My husband ended up calling the doctor to make the appointment. Here are a few things that I was doing:
1. If I put him in the car seat I was checking and re checking all of the steps as well as buckles etc. This process was about ten minutes long before I was certain he was safe.
2. The house could not be clean enough. I was cleaning the floor alone upward of four times a day.
3. Over-protecting! I did not want anyone, including my husband, to help with the baby.
4. My anxiety levels were through the roof! I was literally a hundred miles an hour non-stop.
5. Excessive reassurance –seeking. If Coop did anything that was unusual (in my mind) I was asking and searching to make sure it was normal.
These are just a few things of a long list!
Some may think this is normal behavior but it was seriously affecting my mental state as well as my marriage. Your hormones are so out of sorts you don’t know which way is up and you add a condition to the mix it is that much worse. I had to have the doctor point this all out to me, because I am hardheaded and won’t listen to anyone else, and I began correcting. Now it only take me three minutes to get him in the car! Just kidding!
Now the depression. You say how are you depressed during the happiest time of your life? Easy! You are not sleeping! You are lucky if you are eating and your body is on the biggest roller coaster of your life. My husband and I were fighting constantly and normally it was over the silliest things! I will prep you though, you are going to fight. Even my doctor, mother of three, says each kid was an adjustment and she and her husband fought each time. Most important thing at the end of the day is to know this too will pass!
My depression was not as severe as some of the stories I have heard, but this is a real thing! Don’t let anyone downplay it and tell you it isn’t real and you will get over it!
If you believe you are going through PPD please get help! Even if it is mild, get help! You do not have to go it alone.
Here are a few helpful links to learn more and to get help:
Postpartum Support International