When Your Family Is… “Dysfunctional”: Finding Peace, Boundaries & Humor During the Holidays

Holiday family stress affects so many of us this time of year, and it can make Christmas feel more overwhelming than joyful.

Every year as the holidays roll in, so does one word that seems to pop up more than peppermint mochas: dysfunctional. It’s a term we throw around casually now, but its roots go deeper than a few family arguments over Christmas dinner. Holiday Family Stress

According to Merriam-Webster, dysfunctional means:
a) not functioning properly, marked by abnormal or impaired functioning
b) characterized by unhealthy or abnormal interactions

Since the 1980s, “dysfunctional” has been used to describe family dynamics—often in sensationalized ways. Think back to the days of daytime talk shows, where guests were paraded out for entertainment value, and the more outrageous the story, the better the ratings. People laughed, gasped, and judged… and suddenly “dysfunctional family” became a cultural catchphrase.

But here’s the funny thing: as much as we associated dysfunction with “those people on TV,” the older we got, the more we realized something else… every family has a little dysfunction. Some just hide it better than others.

The Holiday Season & The Myth of the “Perfect Family”

With Christmas fast approaching, social media becomes a highlight reel of cozy homes, matching pajamas, and smiling families who appear like they stepped straight out of a Hallmark movie. And for years, I looked at those pictures and thought: Holiday Family Stress

“Wow, they really have it together. Their home must be perfect.”

But then—life being life—those same people started sharing stories. Stories that made me sit back and think:

“Holy smokes… my family almost seems normal!”

And trust me, that’s saying something.

The truth is simple:
Everyone has someone (or several someones) who bring a touch of chaos to the holiday table. Holiday Family Stress
Yet we beat ourselves up every year trying to fit into a mold that doesn’t actually exist.

So How Do We Make Holiday Chaos More… Enjoyable?

This year, while joking with my cousins, I told them I had extra anti-anxiety meds if they needed some—or I could just send wine. It was meant to be funny, but then the question hit me:

Why do we feel like we need to medicate or numb ourselves just to survive our own families?

Why do we keep teaching ourselves—and our kids—that we must tolerate: Holiday Family Stress

• toxic behavior,

• unnecessary drama,

• unresolved issues,

• and emotional chaos

all in the name of holiday tradition?

Why do we convince ourselves that misery is somehow part of the Christmas experience?

Garrison Keillor said it well:
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”

But here’s where I differ:
I don’t think Christmas has to feel like something we endure.

You Do NOT Have to Sacrifice Your Joy

Let me be clear:
You don’t need to sacrifice your peace, happiness, or emotional well-being for anyone—not even a family member.

Teaching children that inappropriate behavior is something we simply “put up with” just to keep the peace? Holiday Family Stress
That’s a no from me.

Sometimes conversations need to happen before everyone gathers. And yes, it’s uncomfortable. But ignoring issues only teaches the next generation to swallow their feelings and walk on eggshells.

If simply thinking about someone causes your heart to race, your stomach to knot, or your stress to rise—it’s time to reevaluate.

Boundaries Are Not Mean—They’re Healthy

Some people say, “Easier said than done.” And I get it. Truly, I do. Holiday Family Stress

But after years of trying to keep the peace, I finally learned that boundaries are not punishments—they are self-respect in action.

I’ve gone months without speaking to certain family members because of their behavior. Not out of spite… but out of necessity. They know I don’t approve. They know what the boundaries are. And I refuse—absolutely refuse—to expose myself or my family to avoidable drama.

My mindset is simple:
If you can’t put on your adult britches and behave like a civilized human being, you don’t get access to my peace.
Your feelings are not more important than mine.
Your opinions don’t outrank anyone else’s.

The Holidays Should Be a Time to EXHALE

Not a time to dread. Not a performance. Not a battlefield.

Christmas should be:

• a moment to pause

• a breath after a year of “go, go, go”

• a gathering filled with joy, food, connection, and memory-making

Not stress. Not tension. Not obligation. Holiday Family Stress

Wherever you are this season, my hope is that you experience Holiday Happiness—whatever that looks like for you. Whether that means celebrating with a full house… or keeping things small, quiet, and peaceful… your joy matters.

A Little Snark Never Hurts 😂 Holiday Family Stress

And if embracing the dysfunction is more your style, I’ve got you covered.
Ditch the fancy clothes and rock this snarky “Dysfunctional” shirt instead!
(affiliate link) → Dysfunctional Tee

Written by Tanya Michelle, family travel blogger and musician based in Georgia.

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