There are so many names we can be given and give ourselves. The positive names are what we strive for and what God wants for us. The negative names are what we get when we take control and put God in the backseat.
I personally have been guilty of this several times. I get it in my head that I can do a better job and navigate life without his help. This is when my life gets out of balance. My relationships begin to falter, depression sets in and doubt takes over. At times it takes me a minute to figure out the missing piece, God. When I do have my ahah moment and give him back control my Name-tag changes again to the positive.
When I was thirteen I was diagnosed clinically depressed with severe OCD. When I was 25 I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized for it. I was put on medicines to treat depression, anxiety and insomnia. My life was a mess. I was in a loveless marriage (we loved each other but were not in love) and had lost who I was as an individual. I put God in the backseat because I didn’t have time, which was my excuse at least. My name-tag read: Hi My Name Is: Suicidal, Depressed, Loser, Lonely.
I spent the better part of two years medicating to “treat” my conditions when I finally said enough!
I remember the day and the hour I had my enlightened moment. I was at the barn with my horses and watching one of the newborn colts playing. He didn’t have a care in the world and was so incredibly spry and giddy. I began thinking how is it he is so happy in life? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks! He was a creature of God, he didn’t know the ways of the world and nothing in his life was an obstacle to jade him to be any different. So I began the journey of crafting my life without things that were giving me the name-tag mentioned above. I started my proceedings for a divorce, started a new job, found a one bedroom apartment and started diving into the word of God. Ephesians 6:11 was becoming my daily mantra.
“Put on the whole armor of God that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the Devil. ”
I was surrounding myself with positive influences and if I didn’t like the direction something was taking me, I changed it immediately. Okay that all sounds great you say but this is real life right? Yes this is real life! It was one of the hardest moments of my life. I was going through huge life changes while still being depressed etc. This was not an easy task nor was it an overnight fix. I did set a timeline for myself and stuck to it. I gave myself six months to make the changes I wanted to see. I accomplished those goals in about five months. OCD helps some ha.
I truly believe that everything that we do and everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose. There are no accidents; we’re all teachers – if we’re willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn, trust our positive instincts and not be afraid to take risks or wait for some miracle to come knocking at our door. Marla Gibbs
My now ex-husband and I had an amicable split which also made things easier. My one bedroom apartment was a huge change for me as I had never lived on my own. I made it mine and will always cherish my time there. I changed my diet and exercised more frequently. I was also in college part time so to say my life was busy is an understatement. I relied on God to get me through the hard days and nights and I made the time to have conversations with him.
Within two years of my journey I was able to stop taking all of my medications. (Doctor supported this so please do not stop taking yours, if you are on, without your doctor’s approval) I lived the life I wanted to live.
My point to all of this is, when you are ready to change your Name-tag it is up to you and only you to mentally get in a place that you want to see real change. You can’t rely on your friends, spouse, partner, parents, doctors or anything else to make change. It has to be internal. God will always be on your side and will be there for you any hour. FIND YOUR HAPPY and make a plan to reach it!